A month before I had to self surrender to prison I was sort of on a rampage. I was drinking a lot and eating everything I could and doing a ton of blow. I told myself I wasn’t depressed but honestly how could I not be? I’m about to go to federal pound- me -in -the -ass -prison.
I never been in real trouble before, I’ve spent a few days in jail for stupid shit but prison!? For a crime I felt and still feel like I didn’t do. If you look at what I was charged with, I didn’t do any of that. If you’re bored look it up on pacer. You will be just as confused as I am still to this day, but once the feds want you you’re going to do some time.
Anyway at this time I was consuming everything I can. Friends are getting me hookers every weekend for my last month i am free and I was fucking every girl I could still convince to fuck me. I was all fat and depressed. not a very attractive combo.
My friend Steve tells me I have to go see this lady who gives massages. He tells me I need to go see her before I go to prison. He says he told her all about me so tell her I am his friend and she will fit me in her schedule. I told him I’m down but I haven’t been able to work or anything because I have been on pre-trial for two years. He tells me he will spot me. I guess she took “square” on her phone for massages or hand jobs or whatever so he will cover whatever the cost is.
He texted me her number and I call her right away because I’m a creep and I tell her who I am. She already knows and was waiting for my call and tells me to come in in about an hour. She sounded like she was in her 40s or something but whatever free massage and maybe a handjob. I was probably jacking off all day anyway. I mob over to her house, she lives not too far from me. She was about 10 minutes away. I text her when I pull up and she tells me the number to her apartment. She lives in a nice area and the complex is all condos, it is pretty nice. So at least I know I won’t get robbed or murdered. I get to the door and knock and this super hot but old as fuck redhead answers. Like you could tell she was 10 when she was younger. she had huge natural looking tits! She was dressed casual, anyway we walk up her stairs and head up to her apartment and she has a crazy nice place. It’s pretty amazing what you can get in life by just stroking dudes off.
She says “ Steve said you were really good at computers can you fix mine? I will tell Steve not to worry about paying if you fix it “ I’m like “ yeah sure what’s wrong with it!?” Basically is just stupid old people problems. You know the whole lost the icon for her email and she had a Mac and accidentally deleted her “Internet” she just got rid of the Safari icon on her desktop and couldn’t find out how to put it back. Took me three seconds to figure it out. she was so happy , like genuinely happy like her grandson just hit a home run in his little league game happy. Then she needed me to fix her TV. Whatever it was good to keep my mind off killing myself because I’m about to go to prison. I fix the TV and she gives me a hug and I am just trying to find out how old she is.
She offers me a sandwich I tell her “no thanks” I sorta just want to get on with this. we start to have small talk and I just ask her how old she is and she didn’t get offended she tells me she is 59 but almost 60. In my head I’m like “oh, god damn!” she looks good though. I also like redheads so maybe it was that soft spot for gingers that I have that kept me there. Let’s be real though I woulda took a hand job from a passed out bum in front of an aids clinic. I still might.
We do small talk where we pretend to care what the other is saying and then she has me go take a shower and tells me to come straight from the shower after I dry off to the massage room. She just points at the door. I jump in the shower but I just taken one before I came over and her soap was cheap so I just get wet and then get out and dry off and head to her massage room. as I walk in I see it ,it’s beautiful! I now know why Steve had me come here. my eyes are wide looking at this normal looking massage table. it was like an off pink, with that place at the top to stick your face in that’s all padded but the thing that made it so magical was the hole cut out in the table for your wiener to fall through.
I was automatically thinking “oh shit I’m about to be goated!” I’m not sure if goats are milked that way or not but if it was a goat I’d be down. She was standing there with her top off and some little shorts she had huge tits, massive!! Her nipples were like as big and as long as my thumb. she turned and looked at me “ready?” I don’t say anything. I jumped onto the massage table or goat table and my little wiener falls through and I let out a deep breath like I have finally found my home. My wiener felt cold though. Maybe it was the seagulls caw’ing and the wind chime music she had playing , it gave me chills while I was laying there.
Caw, caw! The seagulls sang. She starts rubbing some warm oils on my back and hands. I was like a little bummed and annoyed. I had to pretend I liked it, even though we both know I’m here for the goating. And while she’s rubbing this shit on me. All I’m thinking about is that now it’s going to take like 45 minutes to rinse all this oil off me and she probably is using some water resistant shit too. but I tell myself to chill and relax. I close my eyes and before I know it I’m the one cawing. she goes under the table starts to milk me!! It was so bomb. she just starts going at it and every time I’m about to nut she stops and I could hear her giggle when she would do, It honestly kinda pissed me off until she started up again. The whole goat milking session went on for a while. for like 30 or 45 minutes . She crawls back from under the table and starts to give me a shitty massage again. another 10 minutes of this goes by she’s like massaging my shoulders and randomly she just leans in and whispers “ want to go to the bedroom!?” I Sorta kinda didn’t want to at all. she is mad old and I sort of just want to Bust and go. but I’m all horny like a savage horny. It must’ve been the goating or whatever that made me kinda of want to….I told her “alright yeah” but when I said it I was not really enthused to do it.
I wasn’t mad at myself while I said “alright yeah” I was just disappointed. so I pull my wiener out of the goat hole and followed her to the bedroom. I just jump on the bed so I can maybe rub some of this fucking oil off my back. so I sort of rolled around and then she takes off her shorts that she had on. holy fuck dude, I’ve never seen an old pussy before but what the fuck! it was so…… old looking maybe she used to be fat or whatever but it sort of hung there like it was two huge lips. Like not a camels toe but like you ever seen a camels lips?
But old and the lips sorta didn’t want to be attached to the camel’s face anymore so they hung there. Honestly it looked like she was sagging her pants but it was her vagina. … she starts saying really nice things to me. Saying I have a nice weenier so I’m like “awe” and how she never gets hot younger guys to fuck her.
I’m a little confused am I fucking her because Steve paid her or is it because I’m good-looking enough and young enough for sixty-year-old hooker or massage artist!? She gets on the bed and starts sucking me off. it was honestly a horrible attempt of a blowjob. like how in 60 years have you not learned to suck dick !? So this goes on for 5 longgggggg minutes and then she stops and she’s like “ my turn” I’m like “your turn !?” she rolls over on her back and is like “yeah” and starts rubbing her massive camel lipped pussy.
I sort of thought about not doing it but fuck it I’m going to prison and I don’t ever suggest doing this ever, even if she’s not a hooker but eating a sixty-year-old pussy is always dangerous. I don’t know what kind of civil war era stds she has. So yeah I just sorta started Nom’in like crazy just went in! her clit was the size of my big toe. I didn’t wanna lick it, was dodging it the whole time. Like had one eye on it the whole time. Fuck I want to puke just thinking about it I was sober too.
Besides the adderall I snorted before I went in to get my massage that was turned into a shitty version of American Horror Story. K so I sort of have a habit of always licking a girls ass when I go down on them. why should this be any different !? I get her legs and push them up to lick her ass and I get one lick in and I hit a forest of hair. My first obstacle, nothing we can’t overcome. I like a challenge, but what I thought at first were pieces of balled up fabric from the shorts or something.
So I pull my face back to inspect and find a better strategy for licking this hookers asshole. Oh nope they were huge hairy grape sized hemorrhoids. I can’t do it anymore I want to puke I’m sort of bad ass but what the fuck!?!? I just sit back and wipe my mouth. Sorta wondering if I should leave. She doesn’t think anything is wrong when I do this. She just goes goes. “let me get my toy and play with myself while you fuck me fuck me “
I’m way too nice. I guess she’s going to die soon anyway so maybe this will buy me some points to not go to hell, but honestly you ever notice all the most fun and badass people go to hell!? all the dorks and boring people go to heaven. I rather be doing blow off Hitler’s ass while me and Saddam bareback demons. So she gets this dildo from the 80s and gets on her back and I get on the edge of the bed and start fucking her. I do that jackrabbit move where you just Fuck really really fast. My goal was to get this over with.
She puts her arms on my stomach and goes “stop stop oh my God stop!!” I’m like “okay!?!?” she’s all “I have an overactive bladder you can’t fuck me like that” the fuck!??? so now I don’t know if she’s going to just randomly shit or piss on me. This is why I never fucked elderly people. I sort of fucked up and barebacked my bad going to prison. I slip it in again and start pounding it goes pretty well but she starts up again “ oh my god wait you don’t have a condom on!?!?” You fuck lots of girls don’t you!? “ of course I lie “no,I’ve had a girlfriend forever” she goes and grabs a condom and gives it to me. I try to put it on and while I do that she starts to grab all the pillows and stack them up . Like a beaver building a damn.
So I’m watching her do this while trying to figure out this condom situation out. Is it upside down or rightside up or what !? It’s my third time ever seeing one.she just plops on top of the pillow dam she made and gets in doggy style. Great view of all her hemorrhoids that I just cleaned with my tongue.
I figure out the condom and climb up on top of the bed all confused and just stick it in.I start smashing again and noticed the mirror over the bed like that scene from American Psycho only sadder and I’m not into this at all anymore. so I just look at myself and realize how fucking fat I’ve gotten. She’s old and the pussy is blown out. So I’m not feeling much I’m sure she’s had about 3000 kids in her 60 years but while I’m smashing she goes “stop stop stop” right before she said this I felt her put her hand back to like rub my balls or whatever. how generous. so she tells me to “stop” I’m just not even asking questions anymore. I’m just annoyed and bored.
She’s like “I think the skin from your balls is touching my vagina and I just want to be careful I’ll be right back” I just sit and look around the room with my dick in my hand and just start to stroke myself off praying that she comes back with a gun and kills me. I hear her digging through the closet and she comes back with these huge for real granny panties and their pinkish.you could tell their old as fuck. I give her this confused look as she climbs back to lay on this mountain of pillows she built. She gets on top of the pillows in doggystyle position and sticks her ass out. The underwear have a hole where her pussy is or supposed to be. she just looks back at me “ready?” I’m like thinking in my head “another contraption!?!? whatever ” I just stick it in a smash for two minutes. The whole two minutes I’m wishing I was getting goated.
At this point like why are you even wearing all this stupid shit!? I already stuck it in with nothing on . We both have whatever, we’re both going to die together, that is sort of romantic. but obviously she’s going to die first. Her age is going to kill her before any of the STDs I have get her. At that age you’re basically immune. I get bored of this and don’t want to play her game anymore. I get off and tell her let me bust on your tits, she agrees. Thank God this wasn’t a huge waste of time.
So I get on top of her and start stroking. Well here come the ground rules. She tells me not to get it on her face , just her tits. I play innocent angel “okay yeah for sure “ her tits are awesome not going to lie. So I start to stroke but I can feel the nut at the tip, but I can’t get it to come out. It’s hiding. I start to smack her on the face with my dick . I see she’s getting frustrated. She wants to tell me to stop, but she doesn’t. I could tell she hated it.
So now I’m in love with it even more. She like turns her head every time the hammer comes down to smack her face like she’s going to avoid it. It’s like I felt the nut click in my head or something. it’s like “ K I’m ready to come out now dad” so I stroke that bad boy and Bam! hit her right in the eye. I had a little nut on my head. I didn’t know where to wipe it off at. I tried to low key wipe it in her blankets but she was looking at me. Too obvious.
So I look at her cat that’s watching me do this to its owner and can’t help. We make eye contact. When I get up to get my pants. I wipe it on her cat as she washes her face. I get my clothes on as fast as I can and as I’m getting my shoes on and heading for the door I hear her yell “wait I’ll walk you out “ Fuck I’m too nice sometimes. I wait for her she walks me out . She gives me a hug.
I take off to my car and spit nonstop all the way to the car while I was driving you know when you nut and you start thinking straight again. All I could think about was licking her hemorrhoids. Fucking gag. I remember it was raining and raining all inside the car while I had the window down spitting while driving. but I give no fuck. I could taste in my mouth. I called Steve as soon as I could and let him know what happened. The granny panties all of it. He laughed at me and told me he would get me another one before I have to turn myself in. I had maybe 6 days before I was going to prison. Those next six days I was basically packing up my whole life so I had no time to do anything else. Basically what I am saying is that this was the last chick that fucked before going to prison.